I'm a mom, wife and full time student. This is my journey from fat2fearless.
SW: 259 (01/09/12)
Pause for the next 9 months , yes I'm expecting ;)
GW2: 199 (LW ever)
It kills me to share these things but I will in the name of becoming fearless. I have to be honest with myself and if I have to lie to my computer screen well then I’m never going to get anywhere.
Height: 5’5 Age:25
Starting Weight (01/04/2012):
Weight @start of 1st 60 day period (04/11/2012):
I’m also including my measurements which is the hard part…. I don’t know my beginning numbers but here are my current.
Measurements @start of 1st 60 day period (4/11/2012)
Waist: 49 (I do know start of this it was 54)
Yea embarrassing. I knew I was not a curvy woman but gah I’m as straight as a board! lol Oh well here’s step 1 to conquering my fear. 26.4 lbs lost and during this 60 day cycle I aim to lose at least 15lbs more. I can do it, I will do it, I am doing it!
I have a confession. I have no clue what I’m striving for weight wise. I know I want to be healthy but most of all I want to be fearless. I’ve been fat since I can remember. Who enters kindergarten fat? I did.
So… fearless right? Yes I want to live without the fear of my body embarrassing the living crap out of me. Somehow as a child I was only made fun of as much as the next guy. This is still a mystery to me because I was the fat, brainy, dorky, four-eyed kid bad movies (& sitcoms) are made of.
If I’m honest, I would have to say that I have been teased slightly but most of my self-loathing is self-induced. I’ve hated myself as long as I can remember. I’ve let my body and my fear hold me back from so many childhood memories and so many adult experiences. I’m only 25 and I’ve missed out on so much.
I have no memories of happily playing tag. I hated tag and I was always last picked just like in the movies. I’ve never been go-karting. I lie, I rode with my uncle once and it was ok. Mostly I was embarrassed by my huge self squishing in with him. I never played sports. I’m clumsy. Heck I can’t even ride a bike!! I could go on forever with the things I’ve deprived myself of. Especially if I get into that week in 5th grade spent at camp. I don’t remember doing any of the activities, I was to busy feigning sick so that I could disappear.
I’ll skip alot of the sad stories but here I am. 25 and fat. 25 and unable to drive. 25 with no true friends because I’m so scared to give another person a chance to hurt me. To drop me like a rotten sack of potatoes. I’m too afraid of being embarrassed. I’m afraid of embarrassing my beautiful, loving, sweet daughter. I’m too scared to be the fat girl that flips over, fails, falls, is fooled, …the list goes on. But today I’m starting new I’m that girl that is going to change her life. I’m that woman that succeeds in changing herself into exactly who she wants to be. Who’s proud, who’s successful, who’s inspiring, but most of all who’s fearless.